Well, as everyone’s time, mine has come as well.
I was drowned in silence and darkness, before awakening to a bright, and warm light.
I thought it was Heaven, but when I opened my eyes it was something else that greeted me.
A plain of ashen hills, trees and flames burning here and there.
I murmured, as I just shrugged.
I knew that this was “real”, so I just waited.
And I waited for a long period of time, but nobody nor nothing came for me.
“Ahem, shouldn’t I be tortured or something?
Waiting and doing nothing, sure is boring, but I doubt it’s hell-worthy torture method.”
But there was no answer to my tries.
I don’t know how long it took, maybe days, maybe weeks, but after some time someone appeared in front of me.
It was a young man.
He was tall, with short black hair and an ashen complexion.
His eyes were golden and he wore a royal blue Armani suit with a blood-red tie.
“Hello there little human.
I am Lucifer, a pleasure to meet you.”
He said, shaking my hand.
I shook his hand by reflex.
“Well, hello to you too, I guess…”
“Now, I apologize for my tardiness, but several souls and demons got into a scuffle…
And I needed to sort it out.”
He said, with a low voice and a mischievous grin.
“No problem, so what’s next?”
I was already numb to this…
During this time I was waiting…I saw some things, so I kind of new what awaited me.
You will follow me, and we will hang out until this is solved.
I have this internet connection in my mansion and several bunnies you will surely like.”
He said, chuckling and starting to leave as he gestured me to follow him.
Aren’t I supposed to be tortured or something?”
He stopped, and looked back at me.
“Oh, you are indeed true…
That is if you were destined to be here.”
He said with a smile.
“Wait a second…
Do you mean I should’ve been sent to Heaven?”
I asked, throwing my hands around.
Well, you see, my dear almighty Father is amazing, and well…almighty.
But he said he was leaving everything to his children: a.k.a. the living beings of the universe, so he isn’t directly taking care of anything anymore.”
He said, chuckling.
I just gasped, and froze.
“Oh, but don’t worry.
Little brother Michael will solve this little mistake, and if he can’t Uriel will surely call Father and he will solve it.
Until then, let’s have fun.”
He smirked, as he whooshed me away in a screen of ashes and smoke.
The next second, I was coughing my lungs out in a rather spacious living room.
“Welcome to my mansion.
I have gaming PC’s, consoles, arcade games, and several sport stadiums in these rooms.
Feel free to use them.”
He said, and as he talked several women walked out greeting us.
“And feel free to use them as well!”
He said, chuckling as he went away “hugging” 4 of the beauties.
I just gulped as two of them approached me and shook my head.
“Thanks, I am not in the mood.”
I said as I walked to a console, and was amazed to see that he had every game that most likely ever existed.
I choose one of my favorites and started playing.
The two women, in maids “clothing” (it was barely covering anything) sat next to me and watched me play.
After some time, one of them brought me refreshments and snacks.
It wasn’t that bad.
“Oy, little human, come let’s play Rock Fiesta.
You will play the drums!”
Suddenly, Lucifer jumped down from upstairs, and dragged me into another room.
We played several days I guess, going through quite a lot of rock ballads.
“Your taste is actually good.”
“Heh, my taste is hellishly good.
Lyrics like this make a song good.”
I just chuckled…he wasn’t that … bad.
“Of course I am not bad.
I punish the bad, duuh”
He snorted as he dragged me along.
We went to several sport fields, had amazing feasts and partied…hard…
A bit too hard for my taste sometimes, but whenever he was too…he was too much like himself, I retreated into his library.
He had more books than one could imagine, and he let me peruse them.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.
I even started dressing like him, and sometimes he delegated some tasks to me.
“Oy, Derek, go and teach Maleze how to properly torture those who cheated…
He thinks smashing their thingy is the only way to do it.”
Lucifer shouted from the Jacuzzi, being surrounded by several dozen seductresses.
“Okay man, but tell the chefs to make some salad for when I come back…
I am tired of meat, it will make me fat!”
I said, as I walked in a portal.
“Meat and fat are the good part!”
He said accompanied by the coquettish scream and laughter of the women around him.
He must’ve grabbed something.
Years went by, and soon my time spent with the “king of hell” was counted in centuries.
“Man, you start to be good at chess…almost.”
He said, as he checkmated me.
“You just had a few billion years of a head start.”
I smirked, as I set up the pieces once more.
He just chuckled.
“We shall see…”
He said in his usual carefree tone, before he suddenly turned solemn.
I never saw him like that.
With an unusual smile, he snorted.
“Looks like Father finally solved the problem.”
He said, as a white and golden door appeared in our living room…ahm, his living room.
Out of it walked a woman.
She had long ruby red hair, and a sandy almost golden hued skin.
Her eyes were the color of the clear sky and she wore a long spring green dress.
“Brother, I’ve come for the righteous soul.”
She said, looking at Lucifer.
“Derek, this is my little sister Azymael.
Be careful, she’s so pure, if you get too close to her, she might get pregnant.”
Lucifer said, laughing.
“You are the same as always brother…
This job is perfect for you.”
Azymael said, before looking at me.
“Look at you…
You aren’t corrupted …not even so much time spent with him…”
“He has a name.
And Lucifer is not bad, he just does, whatever he pleases.”
“I drink to that!”
Lucifer said, downing his glass of whisky, I guess, you never knew what he drank, but it was certainly alcohol.
“Come with me, human named Derek.
You shall rest in the Heavenly palaces, and you might even become an angel after millennia of studying our ways.”
I looked at her and frankly, I sighed.
Standing up from my seat, I looked straight into her eyes, and shook my head, before bowing.
“Thank you for the offer, but I shall remain here.”
“You can’t do that!”
“I can and I will.
If I leave, he might be depressed, and you don’t want to see him depressed…
He becomes a total mess.”
I said, pointing to Lucifer.
Lucifer to this just laughed and shrugged.
“He’s right, you know.”
He said, as he pulled a maid onto his lap.
“You would rather be with this soulless, womanizer than to come to paradise?”
“God works in mysterious ways.
I think I already found my paradise.”
I said, as I sipped my own drink: herbal tea.
Azymael looked at me and frowned.
A bell rang from the door at which her frown eased.
“Very well human.
You’ve been given free will, and we shall respect your choice.
I hope you won’t regret it.”
She said, as she left.
Despite not touching them, I am pretty sure he has a bunny or two he fancies!”
Lucifer shouted after his sister.
I just chuckled, and after the Heaven’s door completely closed I looked to Lucifer.
“Now, shall we continue?”
“Let me whoop your ass at chess once more.”
He chuckled, as he started.
Never would’ve I thought, that I would enjoy living in Hell so much.
Although I must say, I am quite lucky, compared to others who are sent here…
As I said, it might’ve been Lucifer father’s plan after all and not a mistake..
Well, as everyone’s time, mine has come as well.