The ingeniousness of a lazy villain

“I want to conquer the world…from my couch.”
Max said, as he clapped and an android brought him cereals.
He was still in his pajamas…well he always was in his pajamas, and he watched a couple dozen screens, as he tried to figure out something.
“How can I conquer the world, while barely doing anything…”
Was what he was focusing on.
His powers were quite simple.
Immortality and superhuman status were his superpowers.
Immortality by itself is an outrageous power which doesn’t need to be explained.
Superhuman status is even less believable.
This power gives him superhuman: strength, agility, flexibility, memory, intelligence, endurance, constitution, virility and everything that a human being has.
His skin is almost impenetrable, one strand of his hair is able to pierce reinforced glass and so on…
Utterly outrageous powers, but thankfully, everything is balanced.
His extremely lazy personality made his threat level to be less than it should be…at least for now.
His inhuman intelligence is now working hard on finding a way to conquer the world, from the comfort of his couch.
And sadly for the world…he found it.
As he was working on deducing the best way to conquer the world, watching a show, browsing a light novel, playing a game and searching for ways to enhance an A.I’s abilities, he froze.
His eyes glued to a certain screen.
“Butterfly effect…”
He murmured.
As he saw those words, it was like an explosion went off in his mind.
His eyes started to glow, and his back straightened before starting to laugh boisterously…for a second.
Afterwards, he went back to his sleazy, slouched posture.
“That’s it! A flap of a butterfly can cause the end of the world in the right place and right time…”
He thought.
His plan was formulating…
He would devise a program that could analyze the movements of everything and everyone.
With the data he would then be able to simulate what kind of action he needs to take from his couch, in order to conquer the world.
“For this…I would need to understand a bit more about prediction abilities…”
He murmured, then clapped.
10 androids suited in blood-red armors with green spears appeared.
“Catch me each a superhero or villain who has an ability to predict or sense future situations.”
He said.
The androids disappeared, and after 3 days, they came back each with a hostage.
“Put them in the “Guests” hall and take care of them.
I need them to be in peak condition.”
He said, as he returned to working, playing, watching, eating, drinking and reading as he usually did.
Five days later, he casually pressed a button and a screen rose from his left.
On it, 10 individuals were sitting on 10 beds and were anxiously talking about what happened to them.
“Ahem, stop clamoring and listen here.
Each of you, use your powers until you faint and I will let you live and leave.”
Max said.
“Who do you..”
One of the hostages started angrily rebutting Max, but suddenly he simply disappeared.
“Please, listen to me.”
Max said, dragging his words.
The remaining hostage trembled, and each activated their own powers.
In the room, countless sensors, cameras, recording devices started focusing on the movement of each individual.
The data he gathered before they collapsed was detailed down to the molecular level, which Max would really use.
He was lazy, but terrifyingly detailed.
Half a year later, the program was finished.
“Now let’s see if it works…”
Max murmured as he entered a sentence.
“I want an android of mine to malfunction.”
He wrote, as he knew that his androids were almost perfect.
Soon the program returned a response.
“Throw a pillow to the right in 13 seconds.”
It said.
 Max did as he was told, and the pillow gently the wall.
The wall didn’t crack or anything but some paint dust came of off it.
When an android passed by the wall, some paint dust entered its system.
It shouldn’t have done anything to the maid android.
But for a reason or another, the android froze in place and shut down.
Max stood up to check it out.
“It seems like the paint dust corroded some circuits…
Well, the paint I used isn’t normal paint, so it’s possible…”
Max said, before laughing.
He was happy, the program was working.
“How should I conquer the world from my couch?”
He entered.
The program worked and worked on an answer for 2 days straight.
After 2 days, he gained an answer.
“Frame heroes of shady dealings and after that fake a near fatal injury.”
It wrote.
“Not exactly, the butterfly effect…as I need to put in a tad bit more effort…”
Max thought for a bit before laughing, and starting to work on it.
Max was lazy, but he was immortal and one of the first villains ever.
He wanted to become a villain, just to be sure that nobody messes and bothers him.
His fame in the villain community was high, as he often financed others, as he had more money than he needed.
His work was rather easy.
With a tweak here and a tweak there, with a rumor here and a rumor there, heroes after heroes started to be investigated.
Of course they didn’t take it kindly, and the majority of those investigated denied or retaliated against the governments of the countries they were living in.
People without powers or mediocre powers started to gain dissatisfaction towards heroes.
Then, Max took 10 days to convince himself to leave the house and enter a fight with a hundred top-tiered heroes.
While using some cliché monologues that threw some suspicion on the heroes, he “almost died” and ran away.
The villain community was ablaze and so was the entire world.
Villains and heroes started battling more and more, and the rest of the world had to suffer due to it.
Suddenly, government after government revealed teams of trained soldiers or robots that could counter or even defeat superpowered individuals.
The entire world descended into a chaotic conflict.
Meanwhile, in a hidden house, in the underground region of a rather famously haunted mountain range, the culprit for all of this was eating snacks and watching shows, playing and reading.
Max glanced towards his program, where the 2nd part of the instruction was shown.
“Wait for 58 years 4 months and 2 days.
The conflict will reach its peak, and endanger the entire planet and race.
It will be then time to step in, take control of several factions and pacify the situation.”
It said.
“And then, when I’ve “saved” the world it will be easier to be the leader of it.
Or at least, I will create an organization that I will be the president of, perfect!
After all, not even 60 years of waiting is nothing to me…”
Max exclaimed, as he munched down on his favorite snacks.
And when the time came, it was indeed easy to solve the situation.
Even from his couch.
He appeared holographically to all the people of the world, and said that at this rate, the planet will be destroyed.
Of course nobody listened to him at first.
But when villains, aided by his army of androids captured heroes after heroes in comical ways, people started to believe in him.
“He isn’t killing the heroes…”
Was what won the people’s heart.
“He can see the future…”
Some more attentive individuals said, as they heard how some of the strongest heroes were captured.
“Slipped on a banana and fell right into the arms of an android…
Stumbled on an even road, and fell head first into the weapon of a villain…
Gathering of heroes struck by once in a lifetime thunderstorm….and then caught by androids…”
And many more coincidences that shouldn’t happen happened, and made Max’s plan easier.
He easily created an “Superpowered individuals organization” that regulated everything related to the supernatural.
He of course was the leader.
All villains and heroes listened to his words…not like they had a choice.
The terms “villains” and “heroes” started to lose their meaning, and everyone was working together for the reconstruction of their world.
At his base, Max was happy.
“Now, I don’t have to worry about a hero busting in and capturing me…again…”
He murmured, with a satisfied grin on his face.

Published by omnithenerva

Wannabe fiction writer. In love with mythology, and fantasy themes.

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